First day of College

Well my first day was mostly uneventful. I managed to log into both courses, and made my introductions on the forums. It seems that the forums take the place of class discussions. I think I actually like that better. Time to forumlate your ideas and responses instead of being called on and feeling like an idiot only to have the perfect words come into your mind AFTER you leave the classroom.

So I've said hello and I've read the online stuff I can. I should have my two text books by tomorrow, so I can do that heavy reading. 3 chapters for Psychology & 1 for Government. Fun classes to start with by the way.. I'm actually pretty thrilled bout it. Got a jumpstart on my assignments and hopefully won't have to change them too much more.

Put in for another job I found in the paper, this one a data entry position. That would be MUCH better than this phone job. I'm starting to regret going for it before I ever DO it!! I've been training on this Office Depot stuff, and man let me tell you, its horrible. Not only are the graphics childish, but it plays the most annoying sounds that are 10x louder than the rest of the presenation and they JUMP out at you, killing your eardrums. Also, since I have yet to take an actual phone call, I don't know what I'm supposed to really be focusing on. It all is a jumble and I do well enough to pass the little 'quizes' at the end, but who knows what sort of retention I'm having. Although, I did go to the store to buy a new pen, and I knew the difference between rollerball and ball point!!

Got another house to go see, this one is a brand new listing and hopefully we'll see it tomorrow. Other than that, not mentioning anything. Getting the clue that this isn't going to be easy and we'll just have to see how it all goes.

Oh, and the craziest thing today. Took the kids in for optomitrist appointments at Walmart. Good news, Kat & Vin didn't get that much worse in their eyesight, Megan is still perfect, and though I'm just barely farsighted, doc thinks it'll be a few years till I need glasses (hopefully alot longer than that!) The neat part was, we picked up a couple things, got in line.. the kids tried to get me to move lanes, I resisted. Then I look at the girl in the lane running the register.. I KNOW I knew her from somewhere. I couldn't place it. Saw her nametag, still didn't ring a bell. When I got up there, I finally said... "I know you from somewhere.." She says, "Yeah, i was thinking the same thing." "Conneticut?" I'm like oh shit.. and bam.. we'd worked together for a year or so in CT at my data entry job there. It was crazy! Of all the luck to run into someone that far away..

The world is really small sometimes.

Sliding down the plateau!

Weee, here we go again. Makes me even want to work out more! 194... one ninety four..

Four more pounds, and I've lost weight equal to what Kat weighs.

I'm feeling quite self absorbed lately, but its been a long time since I had this much going on in MY life. Most things that happen are family related, or kid related, my life has overall been pretty bland. I'm not complaining, I rather liked it that way.

Now though, I'm excited about all the changes. It feels good and right. I'm realizing how my weight held me back from lots of things, not just physical. I lay in bed at night, and I can feel the differences. I feel bones that I never knew were there. I'm not saying I'm looking bony or haggard or anything, but just the normal bones that are closer to the surface I'm noticing. My jawline, my pelvic bones, my hip bones.. my collarbones..

My size 18 jeans I can put on and off without unbuttoning them. My size 14's fit wonderfully. I need to go out and get another pair so I can retire the 18's for good.

Oh, back to the subject of college. So I've been searching for scholarships.. why not, and I found one by L. Ron Hubbard foundation or something... its a prose story up to 17k words, and they award 1000, 750 or 250 I think.. every 4 months. Next deadline is April 1. I'm definitely entering. Reworked one of my stories last night and getting some feedback on it before I print it out and send it in.

Weeee.. oh yah, and going to look at a house tonight.

Life is fun!

Breathing

195

and just finished signing papers to start school. Starting half-time for now, lets ease back into this just a bit.

Good News

Alright, so I got the job. Going through training now and a background check, but it should all be just fine. I figure a week or so till I actually start. Gotta find out about a second phone line or not.

And college is a go. I can go part time and have very little out of pocket expense, or full time but defer the cost till after I graduate. Not sure which way I wanna go. I think I'll start part-time and if its really easy maybe increase that upwards over time.

Amazing how things in life happen.

Oh yah, and I think the weight is moving down again finally.. yippee!

Bye bye Twitch

Well, after a month the woman finally came back. I wonder if she'd have come this weekend if I wouldn't have confronted her a few days ago. Honestly, I don't know how people like that live with themselves.

We'll miss the little rascal ;/

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Am I overloading my brain? I think I am. Heh, but then again, it feels really good right now, everything I'm doing and planning.

Daoc (my online game) is completely boring me at the present time. I have no urge to log in and play, only to chat with a few friends. This isn't a bad thing at all, my addiction has long since passed and I only play a few hours at a time now a days.

Ok, so heres what I'm looking at in my life for the next few months.

Househunting still. Not really stressing bout this, I know the longer it goes, the better in all honesty. I'd like to avoid paying a fee to break lease, if we can make it till where we just move out at the end of lease, or move to month to month rent all the better.

Job. Well, I might have one. I'd be self employeed, one of those phone rep people that answer the phone when people order stuff, and try to sell them more stuff (yah yah Dave, i saw your blog) Honestly, the hours are whatever you want and I just want to make a bit more a month to pay off stuff. No car needed, no new clothes needed are huge pluses. Being home if kids are off is another. All i really need is another phone line and phone. No big expense there and should be a write off end of year.

Weight. Hoping and praying that it starts moving downwards again. I think I figured out part of what was going on, now to just keep at it. Eight months, 83 pounds, I'm still doing just fine in my opinion.

Kids. Kids are all getting much better and on the right tracks. Its still ups and downs and life, but overall, things are good.

Schooling. Heres the next big kicker for me. So I was thinking of starting end of the year. Why end of year? Hoping to have stuff paid off so that I could avoid student loans. Reality sunk in a bit, and honestly I don't think I'd avoid them that much. So, I'm thinking of starting asap. Why? Because if I start now, then I could possibly be finished before Vince graduates and starts HIS schooling which means no doubling up on bills. AND I'd be making more myself by then. Also, I'll be attending online, so again, no car & wardrobe needed and I'm still home for the kids.

Is this alot? Probably. But at this time, I'm more excited about it all than worried. The job is something I need and if this one is doable, then the hours are whatever *I* want. The school is something I big time need and again, the hours are whatever I want them to be as long as it all gets done. The house is going to happen on its own pretty much. One will come available at some point and we'll buy it. Its nothing to stress over either way, its something to get excited about when it happens. Moving won't be that hard no matter what. Weight & Kids.. they'll be what they are and I'll just keep doing the best I can towards it.

One thing I keep in the back of my mind always... is just how proud of me my Dad would be right now. That always brings a smile to my day and warmth to my heart.

So, more changes?

It seems to be a huge month of changes for me. Now, I'm looking for a job. The ideal would be one where I can wear jeans and don't need a car. So far, nothing in the plaza is hiring that meets those criteria (the one that is I need a car and nice clothes) I found two in the paper, one is a 'work at home' place (yah right) and the other just wants you to 'leave a message' without giving a clue of whats at the other end. Well I left a message but eh.. doubt its gonna be anything..

So, that leaves my friend Robin (if I want something 'soon'). She drives bus for a local church school. She says they are ALWAYS hiring. Its minimum wage, talking 5.75 an hour, and working with kids... With any luck, the OLDER kids need someone.. 5-6 grade isn't so bad.

And on Megan's off days, I can take her to work with me. Another plus.

Well.. we'll see.

Also gonna see another house today, its under contract, but it doesn't hurt to go look.

Kat cut her hair off yesterday, its a cute little bob sorta thing.. she even got bangs again. Changes her face big time.

Long Plateau

So, I can't shake away from this 197-199 range. I've been working out, I THINK I've been monitoring my eating pretty well. I've noticed being incredibly snack hungry lately so I'm trying to fight that.

I'm just hoping it is a plateau and not my body saying enough of this, time to go back to what's more comfortable. I won't let that happen.

I can't do any more but just keep doing. I just didn't think I'd hit this hard of a corner yet.. I figured another 20-30 pounds before it got this stubborn.

Perhaps its all the stress of the last few weeks adding in as well. We'll see. I'll try to work out a bit more and eat a bit less, if that doesn't cut it, then I can't really do anything else.

Blah,

Outbid.

Back to paying off bills and getting out of debt. Probably for the best anyways.

Still.. can't help but be disappointed.

We'll find another one, I'm sure of it.

The House

Ok, I did fall in love with it. I know thats dangerous and I'm bound to get disappointed, but truthfully its perfect on paper, and its great in reality. The potential 'computer' room is huge and could some day be a master bedroom when we get old and feeble.

The downstairs is huge, living room and kitchen/dining room. Two full baths, downstairs has a shower, upstairs a tub/shower. Bedrooms are about the size we are in now, maybe a bit smaller. Theres windows EVERYWHERE, and standing on the lot and looking out at the neighborhood.. I liked it.

Even met the neighbor that had lived next door since 62.

We are making a bid today, and also going to see about increasing what we are able to afford.

Keep us in your thoughts please!!

So... pre-approved

Omgosh.. pre-approved for a home loan. I'm like, still in disbelief. I knew we could afford it, but someone else realizes it too!

We are going to look at our first house tonight. Its a bit above our range, but, its been vacant 2.5 months and they might go lower on price.

I made a list of 'must haves' and 'preferred' and this one meets every must have and most preferred before we even look at it. Its only a mile or two down the road, back in a developement that happens to be where my closest local friend lives.

I don't want to get too excited, but honestly, I'm busting already. Drove by it yesterday, twice, and its a corner lot, brick house.

Going to refrain from more, don't want to jinx it or get myself too wound up.

Started something today

Lets see where it takes us. Talked to a Loan Officer about pre-approval for buying a house.

He's supposed to call back later today to give me some preliminary news. Basically whatever he says will either stop the process for now, or let us continue it forward and possibly become homeowners for the first time ever.

I'm terribly nervous about all this.

Other phone call in motion, called a rep from University of Akron about Vincent attending there. Waiting on that call back as well.

Wee?

Working on it

Well been working hard this last week on getting rid of what I regained over the holiday. Blah on that. Tell you what, I'm more and more realizing that the momentary pleasure of the taste just doesn't equal the work it takes to get rid of it later. Hopefully by the end of next week I'll start losing again old stuff.

Its all a learning process still, learning what I can eat, what I can't. Learning portions and control and learning what I can deal with the rest of my life. I know if I pushed it hard I could lose this alot faster. I could work out hours a day and count every bite that goes into my mouth. But if I did that, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd never manage to keep up with it. Watching the Biggest Loser special last week, one family did just that. They went from 230-260 range down to 150-180 range over 5 months. Looked amazing when they won 50k. On the next day morning show, they caught up with them 'now' and they had started gaining it all back, because they had just 'stopped' everything.

I don't want to stop everything at some point cause its too much for me. I want to continue this the rest of my life. So easier work outs, something I can manage and convince myself is worth while daily over something that kills me and makes me not want to do it makes a lot more sense.

All these small steps I'm taking are making the difference. Stopped soda 2.5 years ago, started walking/moving 8 months ago plus everything else. But its all felt like small comfortable manageable steps. Nothing has felt like omg, I just can't do this.

I keep thinking Dad would be terribly proud of me right now. I had my size 14 outfit on yesterday and it just feels so good knowing that I've come that far. From what I have read/heard, supposedly 14's are the average size now a days for the American woman. That sorta blows me away. I've always thought of myself as heavier than most people, now, I am right in the middle of most people. Hehe, now to head into that skinnier than most people zone!

Had a dinner last night with Robin & John, our two dear friends in the area. She has done so many wonderful things just being there for us, I wanted to give her something small back. I used my stained glass paints and made up a pretty candleholder sorta vase with a yin-yang symbol, a cherry blossom branch & some letters that mean friendship. She loved it. Most of her house is done in oriental style and I wanted something that would just fit right in. Feels good to do things for her. Vince made an incredible dinner, he really outdid himself. How he constantly gets chicken cooked without drying it out or undercooking it, I have no idea.

Megan will be marching in the inagural day parade this upcoming Saturday. And Kat was all girly over the weekend with her friend, doing makeup, dressing up Megan and doing their nails. They also swapped clothes for the weekend.. Silly things teenage girls are.

I absolutely adore my children.

God its good to be home

This trip was ups and downs for me. Its never an easy visit, sharing a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom house with 7+ people, and in winter its even more hassle sometimes. Sleeping in the living room means we can't sleep until everyone else leaves and goes to bed, meaning midnight usually, and thats late anymore for me. We also had to deal with Sandy's 2 year old son Charlie 90% of the time, and oye, but hes a handful. And theres always my mother in law. She can swap moods in 2 seconds flat and just go from happy and bubbling to pissed off and angry. And you never know what will set her off.

I gained back a few pounds unfortunately, but that happens when you really don't have room to move around at all, and sit on a couch 75% of the day. I'm not gonna worry bout it, just gonna start working out again this week and eating right. I can't worry bout a small bit like that when I bought AND fit into size 14 jeans. Thats 14, I skipped right past 16. I think the last time I wore 14's was high school. Everything is still going just how I want it too and I couldn't be happier. I got alot of wonderful reactions from family and lots of people wanting to know how I was doing it. With luck, I've actually inspired a few and they'll be able to do it too.

I really have alot more I want to write about, but my mind is all jumbled and I'm not really coherent yet this morning. I'm also still very pissy and frustrated about some personal things and I know that will come to a head soon enough now that I can talk to him alone for the first time in days. I really don't mind driving the whole distance myself, but it really fucking sucks when you get about 20 minutes of conversation for 9 hours+ of driving. I don't think its that much to ask to have someone to talk too and interact with so that I can stay alert. There's other things as well. I think its extremely not right that when he visits my family he can put himself in a hole in the other room and do whatever he pleases, but when its his family I'm expected to interact and do more than he is. Hell I spent all of one afternoon helping mom get a printer, the ink & paper and all that for it and worked with his sister to get drivers off the net (since they don't have internet access at all). Its small, but honestly it peeved me off. I don't mind being helpful and useful, I just hate the double standard that he can shut off and do whatever he wants just like he does at home.

Oh well, Happy New Year.