Last post for this year..

Last post because I'll be out of town tomorrow through Monday visiting my in-laws up in NY. Looking forward to the visit, I think, just as always hating the drive. Someday I want to be able to fly all the time instead. Going shopping tonight for supplies, nice healthy snacks, and sandwiches to avoid having to pay for dinner. Money is a bit tighter than I wanted it to be. Oh well, what else is new?

Reflecting on the past year, I'm pretty darn proud of myself overall. Our money situation is close to resolution. It'll take another whole year till the results are visible, but small emergencies aren't gonna hurt us as badly this upcoming year. Plus my debt (excluding the car) will be reduced by more than half.

My weight, I've lost well over half of my goal, 130 pounds total, 50 left to go. That number still might change, unsure still until I get closer just how it'll look. I feel amazing, I look the best I have in years.

My family life has improved, the kids have become a higher priority in my life, and I feel content with where I am as their mother. They are happy healthy and doing well. Vince has a few issues with his father, and I'm not sure where that will go. This years goals are to get Vincent sorted out with college, begin the adoption process with Kat, and hopefully get Megan to remember she does indeed have a brain.

The house is in good shape, I'd love to own my own but thats not possible for another year or two. But this one suits us well enough, hard to beat the amount of room we have here.

I'll miss my father for the rest of my life, but I know that it was his time and there was most definitely a reason for his going. I know he'll watch over me and mom and Dan and that we'll keep his memory alive forever.

Theres many other things...Theres my friends online in Denmark, Portugal, Norway, Canada as well as the US. I wouldn't be the person I am today without them in my life. Theres ones I've met online that have turned into the best of friends offline and I just feel completely blessed to have them in my life.

I truly believe I have a wonderful life, and I live that every day.

Merry Christmas

This song has been in my head for days now, thinking of Dad.

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas Daddy
We're apart that's true
But I can dream and in my dreams
I'm Christmas-ing with you

Holidays are joyful
There's always something new
But every day's a holiday
When I'm near to you
The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say

That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year, too
I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you

Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year, too
I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you

This is hard

I don't know how its supposed to feel, but it feels pretty bad. I really miss my dad right now. He loved Christmas. People say that all the time but my dad just thought it was something worth doing and doing right. He'd always manage to unhinge Mom and he'd get those crazy presents that you just never forget. The AT-AT's when I was young, my first stereo, the bike for Dan. He loved to spoil his kids and I think I get that from him. Having us up at Christmas time was his favorite, watching the grandkids, helping me on Christmas eve.. well watching me put together stuff.

And you could get him anything and he loved it. Last Christmas I got him this really cool sports calendar, cause he always had one in the bathroom with all his medical appts and stuff.

Right now, I want so badly to talk to him, to tell him what I got the kids this year, to tell him that I'm teasing them with all the presents under the tree. I wanted to get him another calendar for that wall and I just wanted to hear his voice again. I was looking at pictures yesterday to print, and I found one of him and mom and the kids from the summer, and I forgot it was the next picture. The tears welled up in my eyes.

I miss you Dad..

Its beginning to look alot like Christmas!

Yah, I think we did pretty darn good for the kids this year, can't wait till Christmas morning.

Heres another one of the former demon now redeemed kitten. She's still here, but I've been pretty detached till about 3am this morning (she had to up Nari after all) and she was purring and climbing all over Brian and I. We are all gonna miss her when she goes.



Picture was taken while I was sick with a cold, but it was her choice to sprawl out like that. Such a cutie pie.

Well, doesn't that just make you smile?

I guess there is an upside to being sick. A week and a half before I need to, I hit 200. This is huge. I've not been under that number since, I'd have to guess, I had Vincent and before Katie. I know I looked pretty good for a few years then, but no idea what my weight was. So, we are to the point where I've lost the last 14 or so years of fat and I'm only 50 pounds off my goal weight. Fifty. Thats an amazing number.

I want to say I'm terribly sad that my father isn't here so that I can share this with him, but honestly, I've felt his silent encouragement always, before and after his death. He wants this for me as much as I do for me, and he is my inspiration. It's all levels of corny and silly, but I don't care. I miss him so much, its getting a bit harder as it goes now, so much that I want to talk to him about, tell him about what the kids are doing, talk to him about silly things we both see on TV. He is so proud of me, I know he is.

A few other things. So the kitten's 'owners' came by to visit last night. I know for sure she won't be staying and it just breaks my heart. I tried SO hard to talk to Debrah, the mother, about the kitten. Told her how good she'd been doing outside of the crate, that we hadn't locked her up once. I tried to explain how to break bad habits you don't like, and how quickly it works. But watching her jump backwards anytime ANY of the cats walked towards her, I just knew it was going in one ear and out the other. The daughter seemed to understand a bit of what I was saying, but then the little boy just about peeved me off.

The kitten LOVES this tennis ball Brian brought home from work. Only one of the cats that seemed to like it. So we showed them how she likes to play with it, and the boy was snatching it, and acting afraid, and yelling at her. Then, at one point he rolls the ball (not hard thankfully) and it hits the cat. Instead of him saying, oops, sorry, he says, "Tidbit, you DESERVED that! How'd it FEEL!?" I waited for the mom to say something and she ignored him. So I interjected, "I don't think the cat did anything to deserve that, that wasn't very nice."

This is why I cannot watch other people's children, they bug me something fierce.

So, now I know the kitten will go home, and I just pray some of what I tried to do works. I hope she has a good life. I'm not about to get into a fight over a cat with people that I don't know and risk things like that. Maybe I'm a wuss, but its just really not worth it. At least she's got a life, which is more than any of the others in the litter besides her and Nari.

It'll be sad for Nari, she really does love playing with her. And I still think Twitch is a much better name, she seems to agree as she answers to it already.

I hate colds

blah blah blah

only good thing is.. more weight gone!

Twitch is still in the house, and becoming a real sweety. I'm trying so very hard not to get attached, and its not working. Oh well, we'll see how things go.

Out of town 28th - 2nd to see Brian's family. Should be a nice trip, hope the weather holds out ok. Kids gotta be back in school on the 3rd.

Every bit of Christmas shopping is done, most of it wrapped and under the tree.. just for tormenting the kids.

Happy b-day to my cousin (was yesterday but still!)

Make that Three

Yah..Just three more pounds now..

Two weeks..

Weee... it can be done!

Updated pictures below!

Four more to go!

Four more pounds till I reach that HUGE goal of 200.Of course, its terribly fun to try to lose 4 pounds during December, but honestly, I KNOW I can hit this goal. I've got plenty of motivation and its kicking in again. Been walking more and using my weight machine more than I did the last month or so.

It feels good to look in the mirror and see how far I've come. I don't feel fat anymore, I don't feel like that huge whale of a person. I notice things like my shadow is slimmer, I don't feel like I'm bumping into everything moving down an aisle in the store. So many small things, yet they all make the biggest changes in my life.

Once I hit 200, that means only 50 more to go. It's possible that 160 will feel wonderful and I just won't freak out, but until I get that much closer I'm not going to make up my mind about it one way or another. Right now I can still SEE everything I need to lose. 40 more pounds, I have no idea how that will look. I've not been this skinny since just after I had Vincent I think.

Other news. Christmas shopping done cept for one last gift for Vincent. I'm pretty happy, spent about 100 each on the kids. Not too shabby. I didn't get gifts for Mom & Dan this year. I don't think any of us are wanting to exchange presents, but since I'm going to the in-laws, I picked up ones for them. Nothing huge, I think I averaged about 15 on each person. I can live with that. Looking forward to next year when I can spend a bit more and not have to worry bout small things. Still had to get money from Brian's Mom to be able to travel up, but we wouldn't have needed that if the stuff in Nov wouldn't have happened. Just sucks though ;/

Kat came home yesterday very upset about her Algebra class. Seems she got her progress report and the teacher hadn't put in her makeup work from those 4 days, and so she got an F. The teacher had marked the ones that were her makeup ones and noted they weren't in there, but Kat is still worried shes gonna get dropped from the class. I'm gonna get very pissy if that happens because of this. Its completley not right and if the teacher actually lost her makeup work then thats not Kat's fault. Kat takes her work very seriously and I won't let this just happen without doing something. So I wrote a note and asked the teacher to give me a call so I can find out all the details straight from her.

Still kitty sitting, and shes getting TONS better. She doesn't claw, growl and hiss as much, and shes playing with Nari all the time. She's even jumped up to lay next to me on the couch, unlike all the other ones! We've sorta nicknamed her Twitch instead of Tidbit, her real name, and it fits. Shes SO jumpy! I think there's a little bit of me that doesn't want her to go home, but honestly I think 4 cats is too much. We'll just have to see how it goes.

Kitty Sitting?

Well, one of Nari's litter mates has come to visit for a few days. Her name is Tidbit, and shes long hair and almost all gray, a few white accents. If she comes out of hiding, I'll snap a picture.

I have a few issues though. First, I'm the one that mostly convinced her owners to take her in the first place. The daughter really wanted her, but I talked the mom into it a bit, telling her things about cats. Now, what they've done is this. They bought a crate, like the airline ones. Its probably the smallest size there is. Plenty of room for transporting the cat. But, from what they tell me, she stays in the crate I'd guess 75% of the time. When they brought her over, they had her in the crate, with food & water bowl, and a shoebox full of litter. Her water was already full of litter droppings and it just really really bugged me. So shes out, and running around. When shes not hissing and clawing at us, shes a bit curious.

The other cats are NOT happy, of course.

I've got a small wonder if they'll really pick her back up after they move..

4am Cat

Have I mentioned my 4am kitty yet? Not every night (yet) but getting closer all the time, my sweet not so little anymore kitten decides that she's gone long enough without attention, and comes jumping into bed, walking all over me and purring loud. Loud enough to wake me up on just the sound alone. Little rat, I have to admit its never been that bad, but she forces her head under my hands and climb from one side to the next, trying not to fall off the edge. Many times, she actually does just that and jumps right back up onto the nightstand, then the bed, sill purring the whole time.

Silly kitty. She has to be one of the clumsiest cats we own. She has no faith in her jumping ability, and thus often fails because she doesn't put everything into the jump. She'll look up, and decide its too far (when its the same distance shes already jumped) and go elsewhere.

I love my Nari.




Notice, theres no decorations on that tree. Reason? For its size, they'd be tiny bulbs, and the small bulbs are exactly the size of Creeper's Favorite Toys, super bouncy balls. We tried last year, was a VERY bad idea. And since the tree lights up from the inside, it doesn't really need external decorations.

Thats my story, and I'm sticking to it!

Oh, and one of my favorite kitty moments...

Just call it, Talk to the Paw.



Sleepy Time:



And finally.. All three getting their morning fix of catnip..

Things to do

Got a small things to do list.

Finish christmas shopping, just a few more things for the kids to get done.

Mail christmas cards. Sorta waiting on the stamps till I can do that.

Lose 7 more pounds before Jan. 1. Yah, its not moving right now. Oh well, I'm doing my end, my body needs to work on its own end of the bargain.

Get over a cold (its just starting, fat chance)

Other than that, just not much on the plate. Kids are moving along just fine, poor Megan got her cold last night so I kept her out of her first parade today. Didn't think it was a smart idea to infect half the marching elites and have her outside marching right now. Felt bad, but shes got two parades next weekend she can attend.

Kat is just Kat.. she and I have been watching our Alias shows religiously, soon as they come in via Netflix. Its really good and comfortable having something we both enjoy that much. And she'll come sit with me, and without any acknowledgement still sorta snuggle a bit. I like that.

Vince has some of the best grades hes had in years, his friends come over for tabletop gaming, he has alot of good things going for him. Just gotta get the college stuff started. I'm gonna make some phone calls monday since email didn't seem to work.

Oh, clothes.. I tried on some clothes the other day when I just HAD to get outta the house. Was going completely stir crazy. Anyways, tried on my normal 18/20 and it was way too big. Tried on the 14/16, and it fit, perfectly. Oh yah, thats freaking awesome. I've finally gotten to the point where I don't look at myself and automatically think 'Fat' I look at myself and just see me, and I'm actually pretty happy with what I see. Now I just wish I had more clothes to show that off, but I still can't afford to get tons of stuff.. Just a few more months and money issues won't be so bad anymore.