This is hard

I don't know how its supposed to feel, but it feels pretty bad. I really miss my dad right now. He loved Christmas. People say that all the time but my dad just thought it was something worth doing and doing right. He'd always manage to unhinge Mom and he'd get those crazy presents that you just never forget. The AT-AT's when I was young, my first stereo, the bike for Dan. He loved to spoil his kids and I think I get that from him. Having us up at Christmas time was his favorite, watching the grandkids, helping me on Christmas eve.. well watching me put together stuff.

And you could get him anything and he loved it. Last Christmas I got him this really cool sports calendar, cause he always had one in the bathroom with all his medical appts and stuff.

Right now, I want so badly to talk to him, to tell him what I got the kids this year, to tell him that I'm teasing them with all the presents under the tree. I wanted to get him another calendar for that wall and I just wanted to hear his voice again. I was looking at pictures yesterday to print, and I found one of him and mom and the kids from the summer, and I forgot it was the next picture. The tears welled up in my eyes.

I miss you Dad..